


It Wasn't Kit he was Jealous of

by Hexx



Category: Young Wizards - Diane Duane
Genre: Comfort, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, friends helping friends, repressed homosexual feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-11
Updated: 2014-09-11
Packaged: 2018-02-17 01:02:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2291222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hexx/pseuds/Hexx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ronan Nolan Jr. struggles to come to grips with feelings new and not understood, while Darryl becomes his confidant.</p><p>(Post WoM, drabble prompt from tumblr)</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Wasn't Kit he was Jealous of

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mutuisanimis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mutuisanimis/gifts).



> A gift fic for jenesaispourquoi on tumblr who asked for angsty-gay!Ronan pining over Kit and Darryl going from teasing to comfort. I threw in dysphoric!Ronan as well because that is my headcanon for Ronan post WaW.
> 
> Important side note: While I own all the NME YW books, I haven't had the time to read all of them yet so as of now my writing of Darryl is a combination of the orig. and real life autistic people I know. I don't know exactly how DD has changed him in the NME of A Wizard Alone but I know the 'autism cure' outline was rightfully written out so I did my best to make it clear that in this fic Darryl is autistic to the best of my abilities. If I do not do him justice, I apologize immensely.

Ronan tried not to stare as Kit left the room, called downstairs by his mother to talk to his oldest sister on the phone. With a strangled, guttural groan he squeezed his eyes closed and slouched backwards in the desk chair. His head tipped back, his neck pressing into the top edge of the seat as his head lolled slightly. Everything in his head felt so loud all the time these days… and yet so quiet as well. 

Ronan swallowed thickly at the answering silence of his mind. No voice in his head joked in an attempt to lighten his mood. No warm pressure eased the tension in his chest. All these months later and the absence of the One’s Champion still left Ronan feeling slightly hollow. 

“You okay, man?”

Ronan tensed and opened his eyes, staring at Darryl upside down. He had forgotten the other boy had been sitting on Kit’s bed. To be honest he had entirely forgotten Darryl was there at all. He had been more than a little distracted by Kit today. Something about the way the other boy’s mouth turned up at the ends made Ronan very nervous. His Adams apple bobbed in his throat, but he schooled his face into one of practiced nonchalance. Without moving from where he sat he eyed Darryl with a cool indifference. 

“I’m fine. It’s just been a long day.” He tried not to cringe at how trite that sounded. He imagined the One’s Champion’s voice chiding him for his patch worked attempt to hide his feelings. But again the empty feeling made Ronan’s insides feel vast and a look of discomfort and pain flashed through his eyes. It was unbelievably hard living without the Champion. When Ronan had first learned of the Power inside of him with Nita, he had wanted nothing more than to be rid of him. But now that he was, Ronan understood just how long the Champion had resided within him. The Power had been there since he was born, a constant in his life before he understood it. There at the bottom of his soul, in the background, the voice in his head he had dismissed for a consciousness until Nita had dragged it to the surface. Now that it was gone, a sense of completeness he had felt his whole life was gone as well.

Thinking about the One and about Nita made Ronan’s chest get tight all over again and his composure cracked heavily. His face twisted in this lost, faltering sort of pain that made Darryl scoot closer to the edge of the bed.

“I feel like this is about more than just a day.” He said, grinning so wide his teeth gleamed. “You look like you could hurl at any second.”

“Maybe I’m getting sick.” Ronan replied dryly, narrowing his eyes again at the younger boy. 

“Yeah you’re sick alright.” Darryl said in a tone like a person gearing up for a good story. “Love sick.”

Ronan’s heart, lungs and stomach all felt like they plunged down low in his body. He sat up abruptly, nearly choking on his own words in a desperate attempt to deny it. But wizards and words are a tricky business and so all that came out were half stuttered denials that stopped just short of coherence. Darryl sat on the very edge of Kit’s bed now, grinning from ear to ear like he had just struck gold. 

“Your poker face has seriously started suffering, man.” He teased victoriously. Ronan turned sideways in the chair so that the other boy could see him in profile as he attempted to compose himself. “I was wondering what was going on, cause you have been eyeballing Kit something fierce.” He ended on a little laugh and didn’t notice how tight Ronan’s jaw went or how hard he stared at the other boy from the corner of his eye.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Ronan managed to say but his throat was dry. There was such a hard core of truth to that statement that it was painful. He really didn’t know, he really didn’t understand. This whole mess of tension and awkwardness with Kit had started so gradually and yet so suddenly that Ronan didn’t even know what to call it. It felt like when he had first met Nita, it felt like it had with his past girlfriends back in Ireland. But there was a foreign taste to the idea in his mouth and the tension was painful.

Darryl didn’t seem to notice how wrought with turmoil Ronan was as he slid off the bed to his feet. “So is this like, a jealousy thing?” Ronan glanced up, his eyebrows quirking in confusion. “I mean, is this because Kit and Nita finally made their thing official?”

Ronan looked down at the toes of his worn out boots. “Something like that.” He muttered. Darryl reached out and patted Ronan’s shoulder, a little harder then he probably intended to. Then he squeezed it tight and leaned heavily upon it. Ronan smushed a little under the weight. 

“It’s okay man, there are other girls.”

The sharp, breathy bark of air that Ronan released in an unintentional scoffing laugh startled both of them. Darryl drew back slightly and Ronan looked horrified down at the floor. His face felt warm and he wondered if he really was going to be sick. The sound had been too violent and too forceful and had said for him what he could not even fully bring himself to think. It wasn’t Kit he was jealous of.

“Oh.” 

The sound of understanding that Ronan could hear in Darryl’s voice should of made him feel better but his anxiety deepened. He balled his hands into fists against his jeans and refused to look up. With a defeated whisper he replied, “Oh.”

They were still and silent for a moment, and Ronan felt like he had really made a fool of himself. He twisted away from Darryl in the chair, resuming his former position of sulking, head hung back and eyes squeezed shut. He expected to hear Darryl make a retreat from him, to run away back to Kit’s bed or downstairs or to the moon or wherever Darryl went when a situation was too much for him. Ronan felt guilty now, though he didn’t have a real reason why he should in his head. It was Darryl’s own fault that he knew now, he was the one that pushed. 

But there was no sound of retreating footsteps. Ronan kept his eyes closed as he felt Darryl draw up closer behind him. The other boy reached forward with a slow, hesitation in case Ronan were to pull away, but a steady speed that indicated he was sure of what he was doing. With both hand he threaded them into Ronan’s hair, reached down till he cradled the other’s skull and tentatively began to massage his scalp. 

“What are you doing?” Ronan asked softly, not opening his eyes. It felt rather nice, truthfully. 

“Sometimes it helps.” Darryl replied. And all the unsaid parts of his home life and hard times pressed up against Ronan’s mind as Darryl let them be shared. They both were quiet in Kit’s room while Darryl’s hands worked at Ronan’s hair and their minds explored with more than just typical cross planet communication. 

“I just don’t know if I want it.” Ronan said finally, less shaky now and more exhausted with his own indecisiveness. 

“It’s not wrong.” Darryl said quickly, a hint of panic on his voice as if he worried that Ronan hated himself. Ronan smiled and gave a low chuckle.

“I know it isn’t wrong, I just don’t know if it’s for me.” He opened his eyes and sighed, looking upside down at Darryl. “Kit is a very good friend and I don’t know if what I am feeling is actually…” He lifted his hands and gestured outwards from his chest. Still not really able to vocalize. “Or not.” He finished lamely. It was true, this pulling at his heart could just be a tender affection, magnified by the loss of the Champion and a need for someone stable. But Ronan doubted that excuse very much as if wizardry itself was refusing to let him have even that one comforting white lie.

“Whatever it is,” Darryl said, still rubbing at his friend’s head. “It’ll be okay.”

This was how Kit found them when he returned, and Ronan looked him fully in the eye for the first time since the feelings had begun. It still brought flutters to him and he felt embarrassed with himself but at least now he didn’t show it. The warm pulse of Darryl’s mind gave him a feeling of normalcy as they explained the wondrous calming effect Darryl’s hair rubbing technique had to their friend. Kit sat beside Ronan at the desk and Ronan did not tense. He felt a warm uneasiness but he knew this feeling was here to stay.

And it would be okay.


End file.
